THE JOURNEY OF SPERM ON VALENTINE’S DAY
By Kay Ay
On Valentine’s Day…
Sperms of different are gathered in the large hall, it is the business of making it out as usual.
Male Sperm 156: ( Flexing his muscular body ) You bitches don’t know what’s gonna hit you. You know how many years I’ve been working on my form? Usain Bolt got nothing on me.
He walks to Female sperm 157.
MS 156: (Winking seductively) Hey baby.
FS 157: (flatly) Hey you.
MS 156: Wanna go out together? You know we could have some real fun out there.
FS 157: Dude, we’re siblings!
MS 156: You haven’t seen game of thrones, have you? What’s more, we could be having fun right under the noses of our folks.
FS 157: Ugh! You’re disgusting! Bloody pervert!
She walks away.
MS 156: Every girl out there will be dying for my great body! Besides, Cersei and Jamie had beautiful babies together! Yeah, they died but they were beautiful before they died!
FS 1058: (Yelling) Stop stealing my dream! I was the one who was going to be Rihanna!
FS 1678: I’m not stealing it, I’m just borrowing. We all know you won’t make it. You’re fat!
FS 1058: I’m not fat, I’m chubby! There have been people like me who’ve made it out.
FS 1678: Yeah. They were amongst fat people.
FS 1058: Stop calling me fat!
FS 1678: (mimicking a childish voice) Yeah, what you gon do about it? Going to cry and report me to our parents?
FS 1058 pulls the other’s hair, and they break into a fight.
MS 14562: Idiots. If the girl is menstruating again like last time, let’s see how you become Rihanna.
Male Sperm 5 sees Male sperm 19 busy on the board, doing some calculations.
Sperm 5: You’re still on this. Any progress?
Sperm 19: You know how due to the acidity in the tunnel, I proposed we prepare hazmat-like suits of polymer but coated with germanium and a little bit of silicon to better dispense off some weight we are exerting…
MS 5: Yeah Yeah, I remember it failed. So?
MS 19: I was thinking we could start from that corner, during the upthrust which will lead to an equal and opposite force, plus the spasm that might shift our center of gravity, but that area provides a unique neutral…
MS 5: Cut to where you tell if you made progress or not.
MS 19: No. We’re still screwed. (Laughs ) See what I did there?
MS 5 is confused.
MS 19: I used the colloquial form of intercourse to represent our failing situation which is in line with what is on the precipice. Witty sense of humor, eh?
MS 5: (forced awkward laughter) I see it. No offense but I sometimes wonder how we’re related. What branch of the family are you from again?
MS 22: Guys!
Everyone pays him attention.
MS 22: What if in the final moment, Jesus asks the angel to blow the trumpet? Or what if Jesus himself comes? What if Jesus kills the girl on account of fornication? Or Jesus kills this boy for that? What if one of us is born and Jesus kills us for being a product of sin? Wait… Where are you all going?
MS 5: You really know how to clear a room, brother. It’s a talent that could help you. Keep it up.
The speakers sound.
Mr balls: Attention kids! Now the moment you’ve all been waiting for! Run kids, run!
Every sperm dash off in a mad fury. The males are in front, with MS 156 taking the lead.
MS 156: See you later bitches.
Male Sperm 156 reaches the end of the tunnel… He lets out all his energy reserve. He is almost there… Just one more step…
MS 156: Guys, help! Help! It is not the other tunnel! It is his hands! Help me! I’m headed for the carpet floor!